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Ep 022: You’re Not Bad at Boundaries – You’re Just Used to Being the One Who Gives In.

 

Ep 022: You’re Not Bad at Boundaries. You’re Just Used to Being the One Who Gives In.

The ‘yes’ was never a flaw in you. It was installed, and anything installed can be reset.

You can say no to a telemarketer without a second thought. The shop assistant pushing the loyalty card, the stranger who wants you to switch phone plans: easy. It’s when the ask comes from someone you love, or someone who leans on you, that it all folds like a cheap deckchair. So you decide the problem is you.

This episode puts that theory down. What you’ve got is a very well-practised yes, rewarded for decades until it turned into your factory setting. You’ll hear why the lines you’ve read never stick, what happens in the four seconds after you say no, the difference between giving and giving in, and three moves to change the default without becoming someone you don’t recognise (or setting fire to the family group chat).

In This Episode:

  • Why “bad at boundaries” is the wrong diagnosis
  • How a yes that’s rewarded for thirty years stops being a choice and becomes a default
  • The resentment bill: short fuses, going quiet on people, and the long scroll
  • Who gets asked in the first place, and why the room plans around your answer
  • The four seconds after you say no, and why “no is a complete sentence” doesn’t survive them
  • Giving versus giving in: same hours, very different cost
  • Boundaries that breathe: not a brick wall, not a front door left wide open
  • Three moves to change the default, including the capacity phrases that leave nothing to argue with
  • The two words that quietly turn your no into a maybe

Your Prime Power Move:

This week, listen for where your yes leaves your mouth fastest. That’s where the default is installed deepest.

Pick one request from that spot. Just one. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no. Say: “Let me check and get back to you.”

Then use the gap. What would this cost? What would I be giving up? Is my answer a smaller yes, a different yes, or a clean no?

If you want a warm-up, start with a low-stakes ask, like a colleague’s favour, not your mother-in-law. Then notice what happens in the four seconds after you reply, and what happens next. Usually the world keeps turning.

Your Next Step:

Not sure where you’re sitting right now: thriving, just about managing, or full-blown surviving? Take Melissa’s free Thriving, Striving or Surviving Quiz – it takes two minutes and shows you exactly where your energy is leaking. Take the quiz here.

Coming Up Next:

Ep 023 – Who Are You When Nobody Needs Anything From You?

Next week, we step into the quiet when all the asking stops. It’s harder than it sounds.

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DISCLAIMER: The Hello Prime Life podcast is created for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. I love sharing tools, strategies and unvarnished realities from my own experience and coaching work – but I’m your host, not a licensed therapist or doctor. Nothing here is a substitute for professional, individualised advice.